chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
