Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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