she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
