I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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