i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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