The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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