I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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