Soap is not a condiment
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
