and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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