why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
