She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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