i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
