i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
