Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its not stalking. its research.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
