just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He shit in the fireplace
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
