she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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