if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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