I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
