ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
