she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
