He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
