Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
