i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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