Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
