marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
