So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just made out with a guy for $7.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
