I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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