i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
