It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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