Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
