i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize