you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
