Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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