Where is the hickey?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
