3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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