I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
