I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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