I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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