I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And then he peed in my hair
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