i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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