Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
