found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
