I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
