i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He called his prostate his "boner button".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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