tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
