sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
