Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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