3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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