thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
