Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
