Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
