but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
