So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
