Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
