just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
