so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
