i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
