i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
