Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
