It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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