Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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