i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
