i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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