I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
