that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
