see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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